jesus was here.

it was a weekend filled with just as it is described.

hope.  the most perfect theme for the many different walks of life that sat in those chairs as we all listened, cried, shouted in joy, and sang in praise of His holy name. 

I have been looking forward to this weekend for months (literally) and I couldn’t believe it was already that time- sitting in the Sonic parking lot last May, really really pregnant and feeling the sense of need.  I really needed to attend this weekend hosted here in Dallas- even though I didn’t know a single soul.  by the time this weekend arrived a lot had changed in those months leading up and it couldnt have come at a better time.  I needed to recharge.  a rejuvenation of my mama heart. and hope spoke came barreling through and swept me off my feet in all its gracious glory.

driving out to dallas, I turned off my radio and just prayed.  prayed that the Lord would show me clear direction in this life stage I’m in and for the Lord to speak truth into the anxieties that are not of Him.  we have some big things happening in the coming months and I just needed some peace about it.  I pulled into the parking lot and with a glimpse of several other ladies that looked as if they were attending the conference as well, I squeezed my eyes shut one last time and hopped out of the car and headed in towards registration.  

friday night started with dinner and worship.  I sat down at one of the large round tables near the front (I have terrible “postpartum eyes” and really like to sit near the front) and a couple other girls came trickling in around me.  one sweet woman sat directly across from me and after literally a few short sentences of introducing ourselves the Lord revealed himself to me for the first (of many) times that weekend.  He showed me the peace I had been begging for not even an hour before in the car.

okay, God. I see you. 

I teared up.  the first of many times over the course of friday to sunday, and then apologized for that girl had no idea what she had just done for me.  we parted ways after dinner and worship and I met my small group – I always feel SO anxious when joining a group of other women.  as if my story is any less messy than the rest of them, but I’m afraid that anxiety will never go away.  

quickly we became comfortable- this group of women was carefully selected and I couldnt have asked for better ladies to spend my time with!  I mean, yea, the Lord has his hand in all things, but when you can clearly see it, once again I am grabbing my chest in amazement as how very good He is.  

throughout the rest of the weekend I spent a lot of time by myself.

I spent a lot of time sharing my story and listening to other women share their stories.  recognizing how God is using all of us in the most unique way.  

“God is in the business of using the unlikely.”

Jesus wants us right where we are.  no matter what mess of life we are in.  finding rest in that and knowing that He meets me even in the lowest of low.  

and he was there.  everyone felt it. 

but this weekend wasn’t at all about me.  it was all about Him.

I was able to experience Jesus in such a way that I had been longing for. so much about my life right now is just c r a z y.  I am able to find joy + love in every insane moment, but often lately I’ve felt simply out of control- which doesn’t boast well for my type A brain.  but after three kids who can say they are actually type A anymore?  and if they can. show them to me and teach me their ways..

although I speak to Jesus often, its rare for me to hold focus on Him and not on myself long enough for to actually listen/feel/witness His response.

oh. but He was here.

I learned very real answers to my life’s questions as of late.

questions I’m not ready to share about just yet, but having Him speak clearly to me over this weekend has given me hope + courage to bring those the light sooner rather than later.

what may look like a ‘no’ just might really be a ‘yes’.

those words from the closing speaker on Sunday morning have sung deep to my heart over this last week.  those words I prayed so diligently just before walking through the doors to hope spoken were clearly cut to reign in His glory and were presented to me in the most perfect way.

I left their feeling refreshed.  revived.  rejuvenated.

Good Lord,  you.are.amazing. 

Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. // Romans 5:1-5