mama confessions iv

its been a bit a hot minute since I did one of these. all four of the gremlins are asleep at the same time and I just eaten my lunch in complete silence. 
no tv. no fighting. no singing. no crying!  
I’m feeling so motivated to do a million things while they are asleep, but I probably won’t. its starting to rain outside and Jolie will be awake in about 13 seconds terrified about it, so we better hurry!
everyone else is to blame in Parker’s world. no matter if I have literally caught her red handed in the middle of the offense, she’s always got something to say about it!  
while listening to the girls bicker over barbies from the other room:
me: “do I hear y’all arguing??”
Parker: YEP! It’s Jolie. 
while getting dressed to make a quick grocery run:
Parker: you’re wearing those clothes AGAIN, mom?! 
I’ve been known to do anything to prevent a car nap because a car nap can screw my entire day.  unless.. well unless its Brady taking a car nap.  homeboy hates (!!!) his carseat and will let you know it.  sleep away young man, by all means.  anyway.. usually it means me turning up the radio and dance/sing like a complete nutcase when other cars can only see me and assume I love T.Swift way too much.
I made the most amazing photo books (in leu of a traditional baby book) for Parker and Jolie after they turned a year old. I spent a month organizing pictures, copying monthly letters from the blog, and documented everything I could think of for these books.  I loved how they turned out!  I vowed to make one for every kiddo each year until they turned 18.. well they are four, Baker is about to be two, and I can probably attest to Brady’s future in this as well.. but um, I haven’t spent the time to make any more for any of my kids. 
after taking Jolie to time-out over a minor meltdown because I asked her to put on her shoes..
Parker (popping her head around the corner): mom, you just have the best heart. the same moments of meltdown a’la Jolie + trying to load everyone into the car and I’m basically yelling at everyone at this point..
Parker: mom.  my teacher says we need to be KIND.  are you being kind, mom?
me: Jolie Grace! come pick up your colors and paper!  its time for dinner!
me (going to get her out of the playroom): why aren’t you answering me, child?
Jolie: my name is JoJo.  I like to be called JO-JO.
after giving Parker major side eye about bouncing over the side of the couch
Parker: I’m just being a ninja, mom. 
we’ve attempted to take away the pacifier from Baker three times in the last three months.  all three times we’ve psych ourselves up and feel motivated and ready to deal with whatever the paci-less future holds.  all three times have lasted less than 24 hours.. mainly because all it takes is her singing from her crib “paci where are you?” and I’m flying in there to the rescue with 14 pacifiers.  I was SO much more firm with the twins when they were this age.  what has happened to me?? 
when Brady was fussing while trying to get the big girls out of the bath: 
Parker: “mom! Brady is saying ‘gimme that boobie milk!’ “
Jolie: baby brother’s head smells so so good, mom. 
me: I think he kinda smells like daddy, do you think he smells like daddy?
Jolie: daddy stinks. 
Parker: mom! look! my Minnie has a peanut.
me: a what?
Parker: I colored a peanut on my Minnie Mouse picture.
..she means penis.  what.  apparently having a boy in the house sparks new imagination. 
Brady’s first parenting fail:
I got a spray tan one morning a few weeks back and came straight home to feed Brady.. and then we both fell asleep with him on my chest. Jordan woke me up and Brady had spray tan all over his cheek. thankfully the rub of a baby wipe and a quick bath did the trick
when changing Brady’s diaper before bedtime..
Jolie: whats that chicken, mom?
me: what chicken?
Jolie: on Brady’s diaper, that chicken right there..?
it was Big Bird. My kids have never watched Sesame Street (but somehow they know who Elmo is..) I feel like I’m stripping some childhood necessity from these kids.. no?
Baker has THE WORST DIAPERS!!  this child eats like a grown man, so its no surprise..
me: Baker! why do you smell like old man poop!! 
Baker: sooorrryeeee!
Parker (in complete panic): WHERE ARE MY CRACKERS?! 
me: I thought you were done.  I tossed them when I was cleaning up after lunch. you can have a different snack! 
Parker: oh, I’m not hungry, sweetie. 
I never shower alone.  if they aren’t in the shower with me they are sitting outside the glass talking my ear off. while shaving my legs in the shower recently they both became SO concerned with what I was doing and why. in four years the twins have apparently never seen me shave my legs.  I should probably do that more often..
hearing Baker cry from the other room while nursing Brady..
me: what is going on in there??!
Parker: well, Baker tried to take my book and I just hit her a little bit. 

June 5, 2017

  1. those are hilarious! so precious. i wish i was better at capturing those little things with my babies.

    on hating the car seat… so did my son. it's like people just accept it and move on. i however did not. my littlest was only in the carrier car seat for approximately 8 weeks before i had enough. i quickly moved him to the convertible rear facing car seat and it's been glorious since then.

    you appear to be doing a great job as a momma of 4. best wishes.

  2. Charity says:

    I soooo can relate to the baby books! When my first nephew was born, I started making him a year in the life book every year for Christmas. Benjamin Robert's Adventures. They were great! I still haven't made him last year's book. And now I have another nephew who is TWO, and I have yet to make him ANY books. My Mom was babysitting them this weekend (they live out of state) and she laid on the guilt telling me that my 2 yr old nephew loves to read his older brother's books that I made him, and the Benjamin will read them to him and tell him whats going on in the pictures. #AuntieFail

  3. The best!! Sounds exactly like my days lately! My favorite part "oh I just hit her a little bit." Completely something my Cayson would say.

  4. Sarah says:

    Love this.

    Check out the project life app. It's how I do all my scrap booking on my phone. It's seriously a lifesaver.

  5. Thank you for this sister! I only have two kids 13 months apart! This made me laugh way to hard as I sit here with my 18 month old and 5 month old going insane today!

  6. Maggie says:

    Laughed out loud multiple times! Love your stories mama! "…so I hit her a little bit" haha real life. Thanks for sharing 🙂

  7. Kourtney M says:

    HAHAHA! You house is so entertaining! I also find myself cracking up at the things my littles say daily!

    Kourtney @

  8. Laci Murray says:

    The girls looks so big now with a baby in the house! Cuties!

  9. Lindsey Reha says:

    I couldn't stop laughing? My two year old says a little bit for everything. " can I have more milk? Just a little bit? " can you rock me just a little bit? It's the cutest!

  10. Darcy Potter says:

    This was the funniest post! Thanks for making my morning as I am laughing my butt off 🙂 Girl I don't know how you do it! I am scared for number 2 and you are doing it like a champ with 4!!! Amen sister. Hugs and luvs, Darcy

  11. Stang&Co says:

    'I just hit her a little bit' oh my gosh dyinggg. These are all too funny. The things Jolie and Parker are saying are so funny and you can tell they are growing up so much!

  12. I'm dying laughing over here!!!! hahaha. Kids…they're SO funny! I write quotes down too because I never want to forget! 🙂 Thanks for the laugh, lady!



  13. Would you ever do a faith based post???