update | p + j

finally, right? 

I’m writing this to give a much warranted update (even though there isn’t much an update to offer on Jolie), but also because we have been going through some emotional things with both Parker and Jolie that I hope to never have to deal with again, but if I do, I’ll be able to walk through this experience with knowledge and someplace to look back on if I write all this out on paper.. err, the internet.  I started this blog as a documentation of our life, but also as a place for ME to look back on of memories as well as for times when I’m thinking to myself (in regards to the other two babies in the house) “what the heck did I do (in this situation) with the twins?”  I read the monthly updates of all the kids more often than you might think, ha!
many of you have been praying, emailing, messaging about Jolie and I am SO thankful.  we have been covered in prayer and those prayers have been felt!  I don’t want you to think that I’m just dangling you along and carrying on our merry way when our daughter has been going through some very scary things for a 4 and a half year old.  because thats not the case. 
Jolie Grace

there is little update to give, and honestly I wish I had more to type here about her. 
a couple things.. NO FEVERS.  its been three weeks of a completely fever free Jolie. YES.  AND she has been acting more of herself as far as my normal joyful JoJo versus the BEAR of a child we witnessed during the last several months. we finally made an appointment with a rheumatologist for OCTOBER.. and I’m sure the poor lady setting our appointment could tell my frustration with that time frame and quickly asked if I would like to be on the cancellation list.
“um, yes.  thank you.”

after running through some details and events over the last several weeks with our pediatrician she thinks that autoimmune could be a stretch.  OK, so more unknown and misinformation and a complete reach for a diagnosis.  don’t get me wrong- I am positive they are seeking the greatest possible care for our girl and finding a diagnosis is at the top of their list, but they just don’t know what to do because her symptoms are very inconsistent.  the west nile virus has now been thrown on the table.  its a very violent disease and apparently there are two types- one is viral and presents like what Jolie has suffered with and the other attacks your nervous system and is completely debilitating- much like meningitis. I’ve watched a friend deal with the latter and it is the scariest thing I’ve ever witnessed in my life. so, in this situation, I am thankful Jolie doesn’t have that.  while, health wise, things are looking up for our girl, emotionally she’s wrecked.  I was walking through all this with Jordan (we talk about it daily it seems..) and have placed blame on ourselves for not explaining to sweet Jolie about what she was going through.  dozens of doctors and procedures and blood draws.. putting her little body in tube after tube for tests and never once did we really sit her down to walk through what she was about to do or why we were doing these tests on her.  WHY?  WHY didn’t I/we explain it???  I think part of it was that I was trying to figure out myself how to process what was happening with her and I completely forgot to include JOLIE in this.
 parenting 101 and I got a BIG FAT ‘F’. 

she’s been traumatized through her experiences and has now developed severe anxiety thats keeping her connected to my hip 24/7 and up all night long in fear of who knows what.
I can’t even sit them down for dinner and walk back to the bedroom to pee without her following me back there in tears because I “was taking too long”. if I am putting a baby to bed she will sit outside the room against the wall waiting for me to come out.  bedtime takes about an hour once we get them in bed- the up and down and more reassurance and kisses and hugs.. she’s starting in her room but wakes almost nightly with night terrors and screaming, so we basically have a permanent palette on the floor next to the bed.

Parker Jane

she’s always been the more emotional one of the two girls.  she’s also the sweetest most gentle soul I’ve ever met.  this girl has SO MUCH love to give.  she also has developed this emotional anger that I have no idea how to control.  this started after the first weekend we separated them to take Jolie to the hospital over several days for tests and exams.  they had never been apart for more than 24 hours and Parker was with her BB and Papa for 3.5 days.  we FaceTimed and sent pictures, of course. the person Jolie cried for after coming out of her first CT scan wasn’t mom or dad or BB, it was Parker.
“I need my Parker.”
we FaceTimed Parker and they were both in tears before the call was over.  
the twin bond is very real.
after Baker was born Parks had some anxiety just to the extent that she needed a little extra love before bedtime, but this time its overwhelming the amount of stress this girl has. my going back to work has put her over the edge, coupled with Jolie getting extra attention, PLUS a new baby.. its a lot for her little heart to handle right now. I’ve gone on multiple dates, just Parker and me. Jordan has done the same and her BB has picked her up a time or two just to spend some quality one on one time.  all those things have helped!

goodbyes and bedtime are the most stressful time of the day. leading up to me leaving for work or saying good bye to the nanny (she’s with them three days a week) can last up to 20 minutes and still end in a tantrum because I didn’t wave from my car goodbye or say I love you eleven hundred times.. even though I DID.
the tantrums.  so bad that I’ve googled “psychiatric disorders in children related to tantrums“.


one time she was throwing a fit so out of control that it took me and her Papa holding her down in the carseat to buckle her in and then she puked all over my car in exhaustion from screaming so much.   she freaked out on me at 2am one night (of course when Jordan was at the fire station) when I told her to go back to her bed and that tantrum consisted of nearly kicking a hole in the wall, woke everyone in the house and lasted over 60 minutes.  she’s lashed out at her sisters. kicked the nanny.  told me she hated me numerous times..
thrown food all over the floor and destroyed a handful of toys.
life has been TOUGH. as tough as its been for me and the rest of the house, I know that she’s having an even harder time trying to process her feelings.  we recently met with a social worker in hopes she could offer some help and insight as to how we should be dealing with her- because nothing is working!  thankfully, after she assessed her history and chatted with her a bit she didn’t think this was a permanent emotional disorder.  girlfriend is just really anxious. 
in turn, we have changed the way we do bedtime (reading stories, no television, sleeping in our own bed) and have started practicing saying goodbye and good night so they don’t last forever and end in distress.  I’ve also begun reading a recommended book ‘anxious kids, anxious parents‘ and have come up with tools to help Parker work through her emotions while also keeping my cool.. it is SO EASY to lose my mind on this girl when she is misbehaving.
theres a FINE line between discipline and managing Parker’s fits.
good news is that the tantrums have subsided from everyday multiple times a day to less often.  I think/hope that we’ve been able to make her feel comfortable enough to work through whatever emotions she’s dealing with at the moment as well as diverting her attention to something else, which is actually working really well. 

obviously, you all basically see the 2×2 happy highlights of our life- and why shouldn’t you??
assumptions can easily be made by what it looks like from those posts, and yes while most of the time we are living a happy life, you will not see the time when Parker has torn her room to shreds and taken a bite out of my leather couch in pure uncontrollable anger and frustration..
I’ll also spare you the terrifying moments when Jolie is running through the house screaming “MOMMY!!!” in fear searching for me at 1:37am in the morning because she’s had yet another night terror.

tears are rolling down my cheeks as I type and relive some of these events of the last month or so- partly because I have never been this stressed out and exhausted in my life and also because I feel vulnerable to share all this after I get many complements for how well I handle 4 children.. well here it is:: I feel completely hopeless as a parent.  not in my wildest dreams would I think that I would be dealing with this kind of thing EVER, but here we are.  I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I can.  I’ve got some happy and healthy kids- life is chugging right along and I’m loving being a mom to Parker, Jolie, Baker, and Brady.  BUT- do not assume that I have my crap together because I most definitely DO NOT. tomorrow I’ll follow up this post with something light and cheery, lets talk about makeup or food.. or what we did over the weekend! but not because I’m sweeping over the hard stuff in my life, but because its helpful to remain positive during the hard times Jordan and I have been dealing with. we have a very strong faith and leaning on each other as well as pressing hard into the Lord allows us to keep a smile on our face. it is EASY to fall into the doom and gloom “poor pitiful Amber”.. but we won’t.  life moves on with or without us and dwelling on something like this is easy, trust me.  

the good, which is about 90% of the time is SO GOOD.  we are so blessed and life is SO good.. just going through some tough stuff right now.

we will get through this stage of life and move forward.. looking back to forget the really hard stuff and focus on how we grew as parents, in our marriage, and as a family from this experience.

July 24, 2017

  1. This was such a raw post and honestly, I cannot thank you enough for posting it. I will be praying for you, Jordan,and each of the littles for health and better days. Stay strong, Mama! You're doing a great job.

  2. Lauren says:

    Such a truthful post. Prayers for your family, especially those sweet little ones, and you guys, for patience!

  3. oh mama! My heart goes out to you as we are in the "thick" of it right now too with Miss Rae. Tantrums, anger, etc. And with me being pregnant my emotions are a mess too. Praying for peace and guidance as you work through this time in your lives.

  4. Kristina says:

    I can tell you are doing a great job. You are just exhausted. Kids also mirror what their parents emotions are. So Parker is picking up on your anxiety too. But just know that this is a phase and she will grow out of it too. Our oldest used to throw major major tantrums. He is 22 now and such a strong positive smart guy. It was just his strong will coming through. But I read something this week from another blogger about something that helped her with her girls. It was from a book called Loving the Little Years. "We tell our girls that their feelings are like horses. Spirited wild horses. But that they are the riders. " And if we see them going down the wrong path we need to step in and rein them in. Thought that was beautiful in helping them learn to rein in their own emotions. Praying for Jolie too that y'all will get answers and that it will all just go away and she will be healthy. Love your blog.

  5. Kathryn Bush says:

    All you can do Mama, kids are so resilient thankfully. My oldest has struggled with anxiety as well. Was super close to his Grandma because she watched him, it did get better over time. Be patient, talk to her (she understands more than you think) and pray its all you can do. Stay strong Mama, we are all in the trenches some how some way right next to you, no matter how alone you feel in this journey you are from it!

  6. brittany says:

    Amber, thank you for sharing. I'm in the trenches with an emotional, boundary-pushing four year old boy myself. Praying for you! <3

  7. Aimee says:

    Jordan, first, this post was raw and honest and took such courage for you to write…KUDOS to you, mama!! I work in Pediatric behavioral health at a local hospital – I was glad to read that you talked to a social worker for Parker. I would encourage you to look into one for Jolie as well. I am not sure if the doctors you are working with are through the hospital but most units/departments at the hospital I work at have their own social worker – one who specializes and has an understanding of the procedures and experience these littles are going through specific to the specialty of the specific unit! You might also want to ask about utilizing a Child Life Specialist for future procedures/testing they need to do for Jolie…they are heavily trained in making procedures more comfortable and a way for kiddos to understand!

    HANG in there!

  8. Kylie says:

    Thank you for being so raw and transparent! When it is hard, it is HARD… but when it is good, it is SO GOOD! Hold onto those GOOD positive moments and cry through the rest. #momlife Stay strong and keep posting those happy moments! There needs to be more of those in the world. xoxo

  9. Oh, Amber. My tears are falling right along with yours!! I know that you say that you feel hopeless as a mom, but from my standpoint, you are one heck of a ROCKSTAR mama!! The fact that you are strong enough to open up about what's going on it's proof enough that you're amazing. Know that I am praying for you, and for your sweet family! They are incredibly lucky to have you!!

  10. Oh my….this seriously couldn't have come at a better time to read for me personally. My daughter is only 2 months younger than your twins, and HOLY DRAMA. We have been dealing with huge meltdowns, teeth gritting/shouting/growling that switches in an instant to the most heartbreaking tears/sadness on her face that I've ever seen, hitting, and major separation anxiety over the last several months. Made me feel SO FREAKING GOOD to know it's not just me. While I don't pretend to understand the level of difficulty you're dealing with, especially since I only have 2 kids (if I had an infant right now, I would 100% lose my sh*t completely), there's something so reassuring about knowing that I'm not just a horrible mom that's somehow created a psycho kid!! I chuckled at your google search…my husband has literally said, "I think she has a problem" I don't know how many times. I'm hoping and praying this is just a developmental stage and will pass. All I can say is much solidarity to you and THANK YOU for being so open and honest and not vague-posting the tough stuff. I'm going to check out the book you mentioned because I need major help keeping my cool. This mom gig is no joke. Lots of prayers to you all.

  11. Liz/ says:

    First of all your babies are all so precious and I love reading about them! I don't comment often but I read about your sweet family and I thank you for this honest and raw post! You are doing a great job, mama, so always remember that. I have some precious babes of my own and man do they test my patience at times but we are all doing the best we can. Prayers for your sweet girls and for you and Jordan as well. My own mama always reminds me "this to shall pass" and I hold onto those words whenever we are in the thick of it. Prayers for their anxiety to subside and for you to get some answers soon about what is going on with sweet Jolie. Hugs to you!

  12. Cassie says:

    Oh mama, that sounds so hard. It does sound like you are doing such a great job with those blessings you've got. It's always hard for me to describe to people how the best job in the world… being a mama…. can also be the hardest. And it's always a sweet relief to hear and read that I'm not alone in that belief.

  13. My heart goes out to you and both your girls. I am an identical twin and I went through a very anxious time around age 11. My sister and I went to away camp and my mom dropped us off without saying goodbye and it set off years of anxiety for me. What helped me most was: my dad gave me a brooch from my mom's jewelry box one day when she was traveling and I was missing her. He said every time I missed her, I just needed to hold that brooch tighter. It worked! It kept me calm! As an adult, I still deal with anxiety (as most do) and what helps me now is to wear a crucifix. When I'm stressed and struggling, I just think about the crucifix around my neck and know that God is with me and can help me get through ANYTHING. Also, during that tough period as a pre-teen, my dad also said I didn't need to get anxious being away from him or my mom because God was always with me and he was even more loving and powerful than they were. Maybe some of these things will help Parker. I pray for peace and calm for her and you!

  14. Oh girl! Prayers for you! We went through these fits and tantrums with SOPHIA. It was so hard. 3-5 nearly killed me some days and I can assure you your probably way more patient than I was. SOPHIA once attached herself to a flag pole in which me, 2 teachers and my husband had to pry her off and the my pregnant butt had to drag her four blocks in downtown D.C. While she screamed I was hurting her to our car. Parenting is not for the faint of heart. But as someone told me one time, this too shall pass and it did. She's a lovely 7 almost 8 year old and wonderful to be around. This age has its own problems (hello sassyness) but I know it will change again. Prayers for y'all and this season!

  15. Bailey L. says:

    This is good – thank you for sharing! LIFE is HARD, KIDS are HARD but the good is so so so good! Praying for you and your sweet babies!

  16. Thank you so much for posting this..it was so good to read this after the week I have had with my children… it's good to know there are others that struggle to… thank you! I will keep ur family in my prayers!

  17. My favorite mommy to follow along with! Your kids are blessed by you! One thing they will always know is that they could count on you, not just when times are easy but in the hardest and trying of times mommy is there doing her very best! God is good and this too shall pass! We witness to others not only in our strengths but by being vulnerable and humble enough to share our trials! Your family is so so beautiful! Jesus grace will carry you through even when you have a hard time showing yourself grace!

  18. Ashley D says:

    Love you sweet friend! ?

  19. Thank you for being so open and honest. Parenting little ones is hard. As parents, and moms, as have a million and one things on our minds and sometimes that one thing we forget ends up being the most important. Prayers for you guys! The good thing is P&J are young and won't even remember most of this. A few visits to a counselor might help them work through some of this. All of this timed with a brand new baby I'm sure is a lot for their little minds to process. My daughter was almost three when we brought home #2 and even though she was excited and understood, she was still overly emotional at times. It sneaks up on them. Hang in there!

  20. We have four kiddos and two run on the anxious side. so I can completely identify. The best thing we did was seen out a Christian therapist who worked with kids. He gave us and the kids strategies to utilize. It was so so helpful. You got this mama. So glad for no fevers! !!

  21. Thank you for opening up! You are so real and that makes people love you even more. Motherhood is no joke. It is the most rewarding gift that can ever be given but wow you nailed it. You are not alone in your struggle and you still rock at being a mom and your four babies (and husband) are so lucky to have you!!!!!

  22. Ashley Smith says:

    You are a great mom.

  23. Erin says:

    If you have the opportunity to work with a Child Life Specialist, they could be an excellent resource to help Jolie process her emotions and any questions that she might have about the tests that she has gone through. They can also provide preparation and age-appropriate teaching about any tests that she may have in the future. Having access to a play doctor kit at home can also be a good way of helping her to work through her experiences in a non-threatening environment. Best of luck!!

  24. Thank you so much for sharing this. I was so encouraged by it, and think it's great you looked into professional help too! Your four have wonderful parents! Praying now for anxiety to subside and for good rest for you and Jordan.

  25. Amber, you are a BOSS whether you know it or not. I too found myself googling whether my daughter had a psychiatric illness after she went for perfect sleeper to nighttime/full time demon. You're an amazing role model for all of us mamas who are drowning a little bit. Thanks for keeping it real ???.

  26. Chelsea says:

    Love it! It truly takes a village to raise a child. Way to stay positive

  27. Alexis says:

    Tears are streaming down my face as I read this!! Oh mama, thank you for sharing your story…you are so, so brave for doing so. Motherhood is SO, SO hard…and multiple children with so many various needs makes us feel so stretched and raw…we feel like we are failing everyone and everything. please know YOU are being prayed for as you care for your family..

  28. Laura Power says:

    You are a fantastic mum, the very fact that you are concerned about their wellbeing and putting actions into play to help them through this stage speaks volumes about the kind of parent you are even when you are struggling with your own thoughts. You've got this!!

  29. Jen V. says:

    You're amazing…that's all!

    God Bless your sweet family – I hope EVERYTHING hard you're going through continues to get better!

  30. separation anxiety is a childhood step, mostly ALL children go through it at their age up to 6., you are not the only one going through this, so don't feel bad.!
    you do a great job and don't beat yourself up. I think parents today over think things

  31. Danielle says:

    Reading this brings back so many memories from when my oldest were the same age. You are in, by far, the hardest stage right now. One of the most rewarding too, but man oh man, it does a number on you. I went to sleep crying a lot of nights because I just didn't know what to do. How to handle the complexities of each of my children and what they individually needed and they were all different. To take care of one 'perfectly' meant not doing the same for another. And well, LOTS of prayers were said. I wouldn't say we've completely dug ourselves out of that emotional pit but we've made good progress and I chalk it up to relying on guidance through prayer and a lot of emotional support through reaching out just like you have here. Just knowing you're not alone, that your kids are normal, as un-normal as they seem sometimes in their fits and anxiety, can be so helpful. Knowing you've got a whole lot of other mamas going through the same thing trying to also navigate this journey as well is empowering. I hope you know you're doing a wonderful job. Hang in there, take deep breaths where you need to. Skip expectations and settle for Tom and Jerry cuddles on the couch instead with popcorn for dinner. Wear jammies all day when you need a break and also escape the house when your hubby gets home to wander target aisles with no aim. Much love mama-you're doing wonderful!

  32. Lara Brown says:

    Hugs Amber!! My son has severe ADHD with anxiety and OCD. I know a little about what you are going through. No sleep. Anxiety when I leave the room. Anxiety about going back to school. ADHD meltdowns. Hang in there. I am praying for God to wrap his loving arms around you and your babies. One step and One day at a time. <3

  33. Sarah C says:

    As much as a tough time this is for you all, I want to thank you for being so open and honest. Hugs and prayers!

  34. Praying for you and your precious family. God's got you.

  35. Lauren Guess says:

    Sending you all the love mama!! The anxiety, anger, and crazy moods the girls experience I've seen in a lot of children including my own siblings & kids I have been a nanny for. I hate to sound like one of those crunchy ladies but you should try out putting magnesium oil on the girls feet. My parents pretty much owned stock in it, Amazon sells a great brand "Raise them well kid-safe calming magnesium oil balm" that really makes such a big difference!! Last year I started suffering from anxiety pretty badly & started using it before bed about 6 months ago & I can actually sleep through the night & no longer have the overwhelming constant anxiety smothering me. It's wonderful!

  36. Andrea says:

    This is such a real, honest, and brave post. I've been following your blog and your IG for a while now and I always marvel at how beautiful and put together your family is. I am a fire wife too–I have two little ones (right around the twins and Bakers ages) and I'm expecting my third. I feel like life always seems to fall apart on shift days. This post reminded me that no ones life is perfect, motherhood is not easy, and there's way more to life than we see in pretty pics we post. You are doing a great job, even though I'm sure that you often feel overwhelmed or failing. You have a beautiful family and like you said, you rely heavily on faith. Remember God's grace is there for a reason. Thanks again for sharing this raw post!

  37. Hugs, hugs, and then more hugs!!! Love you Amber! And praying for all of you!

    xoxo – Amy

  38. Thank you thank you for sharing this. It brought me to tears! My daughter also struggles with emotional outbursts and anxiety, and it is SO HARD. I feel for you and am just sending so much love to your family right now. You are certainly not alone, and your post made me feel so so much less alone.

  39. KELLY SMITH says:

    You're wonderful. You're an amazing mother. You're an inspiration and a light in the world.
    The Lord saves his biggest battles for his most fearless soldiers. Keep your head up. It'll get easier.

  40. I'm so glad you shared this. It's so easy to see someone's instagram and assume that everything is just perfect. THanks for being real and praying for you and your fam!!

  41. Katie says:

    Thank you!!! I needed to read this today. I've been dealing with one my 3 year old twins having tantrums and full on melt downs. I've also been trying to google and find out why the crap he's been acting like a demon!! Glad I am not alone. You are a strong momma and you've got this!

  42. Krcat says:

    Thank you for your post and your honesty. Life is not always perfect and parenting is one hard, exhausting job and most of the time I have no idea what I'm doing so it's good to know I'm not alone. Praying for your continued strength during this time! Krista

  43. I love this post.
    I have always posted to your photos that you do have it "all together" because honestly… everyone has these days. We know life isn't easy on your end BUT YOU DO have it all together because in the end, you feel this love and you move on from it.
    I fall into that "doom and gloom" so many days of the week that it is horrible but you learn from it. You're an amazing mama and no matter what, I will always aspire to be you. Unconditional love and patience gives you a big fat A in the parenting department.

  44. peasandcues says:

    You're obviously doing a wonderful job. I hesitate to share, but this helped us so ignore if this is something you're not interested in…we have started notifying our son of transitions gently ahead of time so like it will be time for shoes and to go to wherever in 10 minutes, then five minutes, etc. also I just read this morning how kids, especially if their schedules have changed recently might be feeling anxious because they don't know exactly what to expect which might go for the frustration/wanting to cling to you/fear of being alone. So they suggested fixing a preview of the next day calmly at some point where you aren't rushed like mom or dad will be home when the clock points to 6 or mom will pick you up in her black car and then we will go to Starbucks ? And then have dinner all together as a family tonight. Maybe that would help with goodbyes?

  45. Sabrina says:

    You're a fantastic mom. You are doing great! Keep breathing… this will pass.
    I admire your courage, honesty and ability to love those kids and your husband so much.
    I wish your family all the best!

  46. OK..I am just going to put this out there,and please believe me when I tell you,none of it is meant to sound negative,upset you or anything of that nature. First, I am a mother of 4..all boys. Had 4 boys in 7 years. Kids sometimes have a very difficult time adjusting to changes such as new siblings,parents working,medical situations etc. However, this sounds a bit more serious than that. Please, do not worry about your parenting. Sometimes, our children have things going on that are beyond what we can control. I think perhaps ,rather than dealing with a social worker, you should consult your pediatrician and see a neurologist, pyschologist and/or a behavioral therapist. Noone ever wants to hear their child is not perfect, but today,more than ever, children have many different issues ranging from mild anxiety to autism. Do not let your pride,fears or anything else get in the way of you figuring out what is going on because the earlier you figure things out, the better it will be and the more behavioral intervention will be available to her.
    My second son has autism,and is non verbal and while he is sweet,loving and a joy to be around, we have struggled immensely with tantrums,aggression, btoken walls and windows once he hit puberty. Fortunately ,we didn't have these issues while he was young, but they are real, and it is very difficult..I understand your concern and fears. The sooner you get to the bottom of things, the better it will be for everyone.
    Please don't misunderstand, I am not suggesting your daughter is on the spectrum, but it is important to explore every possibility so you can approach it properly.
    Most importantly, don't beat yourself up. It is hard enough caring for 4 children, add in some health and anger issues and it can feel unbearable. We all love our babies and want the best for them. Do yourself a favor..take a break from the internet for a while..focus on the kids,work,doctors and the things that are truly important at this moment for you..the internet will be here when you return. Let yourself cry when needed, rely on family and true friends to help you through. Things will get better, I can promise you that, it just may take a while.
    Be well, be strong, be vigilant,be patient and continue to be loving..you will all get through this.
    Good luck.

  47. Kris says:

    Hello, Amber! So sorry your family has been going through some hard times! It sounds like you've found some good resources for little Parker's anxiety and adjustments, but I just thought I'd pass along something that was helpful for us. We've got an anxious little girl, too, and while her symptoms and expressions of that anxiety have been a little different than Miss Parker's, we really liked a workbook called What To Do When You Worry Too Much by Dawn Huebner. I picked it up on amazon after a friend recommended it and it was awesome for my daughter. We read through sections together each night and she colored or completed the little worksheets while we talked about it. We hadn't even made it through the whole book before she was initiating her own "worry time"– a time we could talk about any worries she had, and we didn't spend time on them the rest of the day– and was saying things like, "that's ok, Mom. I'll lock that worry up and let logic work on it." It was pretty unbelievable. Anyway, I hope this may be helpful, and best of luck to you and your family!

  48. MAD knitter says:

    Thank you for sharing this! My third baby is 6 months old now and is 17 months apart from her older brother. He has developed sleeping issues since the end of my pregnancy and it's causing me so much stress!!! I needed to hear that I'm not the olny one.

  49. I think we all go through so much as parents and expect ourselves to excel but we are human and do make mistakes. As long as we are loving our children and guiding them to be a good person and be all that they can be then your are doing your best! Also my nephew went through exactly what it sound like Parker is going through! Man it was tough, he would yell at everyone! He would say hurtful things about himself or to others. It's not really a tantrum but an emotional outburst since they don't know how to explain, heck as an adult I don't know how to explain what I feel sometimes! Lol his therapists told my sister tonlimot his device/tv time, omg that did wonders! He calmed down so much, it's been months since his last emotional outburst and the days we let him watch a little more then we notice a huge attitude. I don't know how you manage that and I'm not assuming that you don't already have a set time they can watch tv/iPad/phone but just in case this does help! So many of my sisters friends had the same issues with their kids too and cut tv/iPad time and it helped! Not a cure all but does make a difference in mood for them! I'm all the way in California and have the same type of issues in our family so you're not alone! Thanks for sharing! Have been following you since the twins were toddlers staring to model for Shelby chic boutique!

  50. Dana says:

    Hey! I am so sorry for everything y'all are going through. I have a close friend and her daughter was diagnosed with PANDAS. Just felt lead to tell you about it. It comes from STREP and a fever. It can cause emotional issues, especially anxiety. Look it up because I am no expert. Maybe it can help in some way. Prayers and Hugs!!!