bump date | 23-24 weeks

its hard to believe I’m almost 24 weeks into this pregnancy and haven’t done a single “bump” update since we announced. from about 6 weeks until 18 weeks I dealt with horrible migraines, some days they were lasting 8-12 hours. after trying everything my doctor put me on fioricet (which is basically Tylenol and caffeine rolled into one little pill) and some days even that hardly touched the headache that made my entire body ache. around 17 weeks she advised me to stay off the computer as much as I could, so the blog, unfortunately, has taken a back seat for now. thankfully, over the last 4 weeks or so, my headaches have subsided and I’ve been feeling pretty good.it was also around 17 weeks that we discovered that I have placenta previa. we were scheduled for the baby’s routine anatomy scan and after checking him out thoroughly (he’s perfect!) the sono tech asked me if I had been bleeding or spotting. “what? no, absolutely not.. why?” apparently my placenta appeared really low on the monitor and it looked like it was covering my cervix. my OB confirmed that I did indeed have placenta previa- but since we discovered it really early and I had no signs of bleeding or spotting there was a chance that it could shift and move upward. in the meantime I was told to stay off my feet as much as possible, rest when I could, and I wasn’t allowed to work out anymore.

fast forward to an appointment with my maternal fetal medicine doctor around 21-22 weeks.. she was completely silent the entire appointment. I’ve known this woman for 6 years and an appointment with her has never gone so quickly. the very next day I went to my OB for a follow up and was hoping for answers.

its bad. really bad, and thats why she wouldn’t say anything.” the previa was still very present but it is central, meaning directly on top of the scar tissue from my previous c-sections and placenta acretta is now easily involved to make matters worse. after that appointment we made plans. we have an emergency plan and points of contact in case something happens while Jordan is gone (it is possible that I could hemorrhage at home and would need to get to a hospital immediately). we also talked about delivery; he will come a bit early, around 38 weeks if all goes perfectly as planned.  most women with previa don’t start to have complications until around the 30 week mark and because of that my OB has prepared us for a possible hospital stay between 32-34 weeks up until 38 weeks when he arrives. I’ll have an MRI around 32 weeks to determine the accreta involvement with other organs (prayerfully not) and keep a close eye on everything up until then. that MRI will tell us where we need to go from there and if I need to go on full bed rest.

short term :: I’ll be visiting my OB and Maternal Fetal Medicine doc every two weeks for a check up and sonogram. I’ll have my glucose test at 26 weeks. around 27 weeks I’ll take my first round of steroids and again at 32 weeks to help encourage baby boy’s lung development in case he has to come earlier than 38 weeks.

long term :: praying for no hospital bedrest. praying for positive results from the MRI. a healthy growing baby boy (which he is!) and no spotting or bleeding in between.

I was told today that I will have a complete hysterectomy at time of delivery.

because of where the placenta is attached the only safe way to remove it is to remove everything all together. I sobbed through my appointment this morning as my OB explained this part of the delivery. afterward I tried to tell a friend about what I was told at my doctor’s appointment and her first response was “well, were you thinking of more after this pregnancy?“.. it left me feeling pretty inadequate and that my emotions surrounding this entire thing were silly and invalid. I’m upset/worried/anxious/sad not because I had hoped for more children, we are 100% done and have been blessed with 5 beautiful babies plus two already in heaven waiting for us. I was not expecting to be thrown into this reality at the age of 33. its a hard pill to swallow for any woman and you wont really know these feelings until your here. I surely didn’t.

realistically, this could have easily happened in any single one of my previous pregnancies. I have had healthy and relatively uneventful pregnancies- my placentas have all be posteriorly placed, leaving me with a very healthy uterus and minimal scar tissue after each delivery! my OB was 100% on board with the possibility another pregnancy and a fourth surgery.  unfortunately this is something completely out of anyone’s control and I am so thankful for the wisdom of my OB and the fact that we’ve been blessed with TIME. time to plan and prepare to create a situation for the best possible outcome.

I feel like this post is all over the place, and for that I apologize. I have been hanging onto these words and my experience with this diagnosis for weeks and its been something I’ve gone back and forth on to share many times. I cry every day. I am not a very anxious person and most of the time I’m an open book- dealing with this anxiety every day is new for me. some days I’m fine and its easy to remember the joy surrounding the baby I’m growing inside of me and other days I don’t want to get out of bed. trying to express my worry to anyone is nearly impossible and completely exhausting so I’ve internalized every bit of it except to just a few people. which is why I couldn’t bring myself to share a pregnancy update without this part of my story.. hence the lack thereof.

so, here we are. I’m confident that we are in great hands and we have a solid plan for what is to come next. we’ve covered all the “what if” situations we can think of and we’re finalizing the nursery details as we speak. my goal is to get it finished within the first few weeks of October just in case baby boy decides to come too soon or I have to be admitted.

as always, I appreciate you and your support in this space where I share my heart. heres to remembering the joy in this pregnancy from now until I get to kiss his sweet face. dress / hat / chambray shirt / bar necklace / ring

September 20, 2018

  1. Chelsey says:

    Keeping you in my prayers that everything remains relatively uneventful for the rest of your pregnancy and delivery goes smoothly!! ????????

  2. Alysa says:

    Ugh! I so feel your pain! Placenta previa totally sucks the joy from pregnancy and makes you feel like a ticking time bomb! You are in good hands, with your medical team and your God. Praying for you Amber! The feelings surrounding these diagnoses can be so confusing as well. Your body seems to be betraying you and everyone is saying things that mean well, but can be insensitive and hurt. I was just there but now thankfully am on the other side. Again, many prayers for you and your sweet family!

  3. Kayla says:

    Praying for you and that sweet boy!

  4. Gen says:

    I am 32 weeks pregnant and have had a totally uncomplicated pregnancy but for some reason, so, so much anxiety about it (even though I have a healthy 2 yr old son already) that it is also sometimes hard to feel the joy. I can’t imagine what you are going through but I do know that your faith is absolutely the most encouraging thing to us that read your blog and your openness is so refreshing, and because of your sharing, I will be praying for you and your family daily. Thank you for sharing your heart… you’ve got this!!

  5. Hillary says:

    I am so sorry to hear that you have these complications to worry over, and I will keep you and your precious baby boy in my prayers.
    I had no placental issues in my pregnancy, but I had a loooong uphill battle with infertility, finally followed by a high-risk pregnancy, I had such overwhelming fear and anxiety about losing my baby that I spent the vast majority of my pregnancy afraid to even make plans for my growing babe. One of my greatest regrets is that I didn’t find a way to enjoy my pregnancy more, or focus on my joy more than my worry.
    My babe was born healthy and beautiful—just as yours will be—and I’ve had eighteen months to make up for the time I lost when I could have been enjoying her in my belly, but pregnancy is such a brief, remarkable time, and I do very much wish that I could have experienced mine differently.
    I hope that you truly find ways to wrap yourself in the joy of your growing baby boy, and leave the worry in God’s hands. He holds you both in His palm, and He’ll carry you through this.
    I’ll be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

  6. Mercedes Livingston says:

    Amber I’m so sorry! I have no idea why you are feeling as I have never been there. But, I know God has plans that we don’t understand and I am confident he has a plan for all of this. I will be praying for you, your doctor, family and this sweet baby.

    Growing babies it’s hard! Raising babies is hard! But you and your hubby make a great team and you will make it through this.

  7. Rachel says:

    Oh gosh you poor thing. This would be so hard on anyone but especially because you already have 4 Little’s to care for! Do you have much help? What will they do since the placenta is over the old scar? Make a new incision? Hope things shift for you and all goes well. You have a great attitude ❤️

  8. Carla says:

    Oh Amber, that’s a whole bunch of scary to be dealing with all at once. It’s no wonder you are anxious all the time. But Baby Boy will be alright and you will be alright. Thinking of you.

  9. Lauren says:

    I’m so sorry you are having to go through this. Keep doing what you’re doing and smile even though there’s so many emotions. I felt somewhat robbed of the joy I had hoped for in my last pregnancy due to placenta previa and a hematoma…I was hospitalized at 24 weeks (baby girl stayed in until almost 32 weeks)! The anxiety is something I had never experienced before that time. You are such a strong and encouraging woman. You can do hard things. And sharing this truly takes strength. You are in amazing hands! Praying for you.

  10. Keli says:

    I had complete placenta previa with my second baby in 2014, I had a horrible bleed episode at 30 weeks and was in the hospital for 2 weeks and put on bed rest until my scheduled cesarean at 37 weeks. The bleed episode was def scary, but we got to the hospital as quickly as possible and had great nurses and doctors helping and was able to stop it! Then with my 3rd baby 7 months ago my placenta was anterior and was at tisk for attaching to my old scar tissue, fortunately I had a successful cesarean, a few adjustments made due to placenta placement, and both babies and myself are healthy! It’s SO scary not knowing but having a plan and great doctors is the best thing you can do! Try not to stress too much, I know easier said then done. Sending positive thoughts your way!

  11. Kristen says:

    I was put on hospital bed rest at 28 weeks (after being on bed rest at home 2 weeks prior.) I had mo/mo twins after a surgery to correct their TTTTS. While my situation was entirely different, I understand the worries of the unknown. I also had a 13 month old son at home at the time. Pregnancy complications no matter what are frightening. Praying for you, your family, and the team of doctors entrusted to you and your sweet babe.

  12. Grayson says:

    Hi! I will be celebrating my little PP babes first birthday next month and your post brought it ALL back. The fear of a hemorrhage, the isolation because no one “got” it, the reality of bed rest with other kiddos and the heartache that it could end my ability to have more children. I was incredibly fortunate though and my hopes for you are that despite hearing all the worst case scenarios that you’ve so diligently prepared for, you experience something similar to mine.

    I went to my scheduled 37 weeks csection without any incidents and despite preparing us for a hysterectomy, once they went in to get him,it was deemed unnecessary. He did spend 24 hours in the NICU because little boys generally have the hardest time with lung development but he emerged perfect albeit tiny in comparison to my first son who had to be forced out at 42 weeks 2 days!

    Breathe Mama…talk about your fears even if it feels like it’s too much. Don’t hold onto the anxiety because that was the absolute hardest part. Know that there are positive stories about PP other than the scary ones on Google and envision that for yourself. Trust your team and trust your body! All the love Mama!

  13. Anita Malone says:

    Prayers, Hugs, & Love for you all thru this time. I know your Faith & Love will bring y’all thru this with another beautiful & healthy baby boy. Take care.

  14. Sara HolzMeister says:

    Oh my god girl this is scary. I have five also and I had PP with my third baby. I was put on bed rest at 30 weeks as I went into labor and bed rest stopped everything. The placenta shifted and I was able to deliver naturally. I laid in bed and worried for 10 long weeks. When I read they are going to give you a full hysterectomy after your birth I cried. I’m a year older than you and no woman, NO WOMAN our age should have to go through that. I too have experienced backlash from my big family. My own mother said to me after my fifth baby “well you’re done now right? Why do you need to have more?” Because I love having babies. I love them and it fills my life and my husbands with so much joy. My own mother only had two and never wanted more so she doesn’t get it either. I will continue to pray for you, your family and your little boy to come.

  15. Lauren Harrelson says:

    Thinking about you and your family!

  16. Carol Payne says:

    Goodness, my friend. You know we all who read your blog faithfully are your friends, right? It’s so good that you are sharing your story, fears, and anxiety with us. We will pray. Today. Tomorrow. And will keep praying until your little fellow is safely delivered by whatever means has to be. God has you both in the palm of His hand.

  17. Raegan says:

    Prayers headed your way sweet mama.

  18. Jenny says:

    Sending you prayers and virtual hugs! You got this mama!

  19. Cara Fitzsimons says:

    I’ve had complicated migraine my whole life buyback when I was pregnant with my last they flared up badly. My doctor put me on labetalol while I was pregnant and it’s a blood pressure medicine believe it or not and fixed everything!

  20. Jessica says:

    Thank you for sharing so we can be praying for you and your sweet family! Praying for complete health and the BEST outcome for you and the littlest.

  21. Your feelings and emotions are NOT invalid. You are seen and heard. A hysterectomy is a hard pill to swallow at such a young age along with the fears of a more complicated pregnancy. Praying so hard for you and baby boy, Amber. So, so hard.

  22. Sarah says:

    Once again so sorry this is happening for you. That’s a huge loss to go through! I assume they leave the tubes and ovaries in place? One thought about the migraines… My boyfriend sells these blue light blocking glasses for the computer and it really helps with my headaches, maybe check them out? They’re called Spektrum glasses and they’re actually kind of cute too 😉

  23. Oh girl. Your feelings aren’t invalid AT ALL. One of my friends had to be done having babies before she was ready to be done and she just always said “it’s hard when a decision is made for you”. NOT that you want more kids, but that the decision for a hysterectomy right now isn’t yours, that’s a hard thing to deal with. Thanks for always sharing your heart. I’ll pray for you (both body + mind) + that sweet little babe!

  24. Stefanie says:

    Praying for you Mama. Your feelings are all very valid. I’m 34 and currently pregnant with our 3rd and last baby. I know we are done but Lord knows I would grieve if I was told I needed a hysterectomy. It’s a big deal and something you didn’t expect or plan for. I hope that all of your scenarios turn out to be best case. I will be thinking of you and your sweet baby boy!

  25. Danielle Turk-Bly says:

    If you ever need someone who has been through the same situation, I am here for you. I had complete previa with my third son. I was told that I could hemorrhage and him and I could be gone in 5 minutes flat. I lived life in fear and was always worried that something was going to go south. I was told I would have to have a hysterectomy at birth too, (thankfully, I had an awesome surgeon who was able to deliver our little man and save my uterus, even with it being complete and still attached in the worst spot possible). I will keep you in my thoughts, and truly, if you need someone to commiserate with, I am here for you, even if we have never talked, met, awe! instagram.

  26. Lindsay says:

    Oh Amber my heart breaks for you, a decision like that being made for you. I can only imagine the stress and anxiety associated with that. I will be praying for you, your sweet boy and your family.

  27. Lanay says:

    Even though you don’t want more children after this your feelings are still so valid! Having a hysterectomy is life changing and you will already be dealing with all your postpartum horomes and feelings. I will be praying for you!! Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing. You are 100% allowed to cry and feel scared and anxious but know that God has this.

  28. Stephanie Allen says:

    Oh my gosh Amber, I can’t even imagine what you’ve been feeling and thinking these past few weeks. You’ve been put through more than anyone should and totally understandable that the fear and sadness has taken over at times. I’m a migraine gal as well and that was one of the reasons I was terrified to get pregnant- anyone who doesn’t get them, has no idea….and I’m so glad you’re feeling better!! As for the rest of your journey definitely praying and thinking of you and even though your beautiful family is complete I can 100% understand the tears and sadness…it’s just so official and not a normal thing to deal with in your early 30s but with 5 adorable babes who all call you Mama, all of that sadness will wash away and this is merely just part of your story!
    FYI on prego updates: Also this is my 1st pregnancy and I bought the gold banner with #’s thinking it would be a piece of cake to document…..#reallife it is not hahaha
    All the best mama <3

  29. Praying momma! Praying for protection over you and that sweet boy and for tons of peace in the waiting!

  30. Lara B says:

    I will keep you, baby boy and your sweet family in my prayers. <3

  31. Jen says:

    I have followed your blog since you were pregnant with the twins. I can’t imagine how difficult this is for you, but I sincerely hope you find some calm in the coming weeks before that sweet little boy of yours arrives. Sending love & all positive thoughts to you!

  32. I am praying for you daily! You have every right to feel those feelings, but you are in the best possible hands and care!! Sending you so much love for your journey of this beautiful baby who we can’t wait to see!! God bless.

  33. Beth Curtis says:

    Oh sweet mama, I am so sorry, that is all scary and overwhelming. Please don’t feel bad about your emotions. They are valid and no one should make you feel like they aren’t. I hope all turns out alright. Sending you love and light.

  34. Krista Sager says:

    Praying for you and baby boy!

  35. Rachel says:

    Amber – I’m sorry to hear of how plans for potential future children had been decided for you. Thought it is for the sake of your health, it is still a terribly hard pill to swallow. I’m sure friends (and strangers) mean well in comments that are said in response to this, but it is not possible to know how someone feels after this type of decision is made. I have been there. I won’t go in to the details, as my situation resulted in a pretty scary 8 hours after a ‘normal’ delivery, but I feel your mourning and will be thinking about you and your family in the many weeks to come.