its hard to believe I’m almost 24 weeks into this pregnancy and haven’t done a single “bump” update since we announced. from about 6 weeks until 18 weeks I dealt with horrible migraines, some days they were lasting 8-12 hours. after trying everything my doctor put me on fioricet (which is basically Tylenol and caffeine rolled into one little pill) and some days even that hardly touched the headache that made my entire body ache. around 17 weeks she advised me to stay off the computer as much as I could, so the blog, unfortunately, has taken a back seat for now. thankfully, over the last 4 weeks or so, my headaches have subsided and I’ve been feeling pretty good.it was also around 17 weeks that we discovered that I have placenta previa. we were scheduled for the baby’s routine anatomy scan and after checking him out thoroughly (he’s perfect!) the sono tech asked me if I had been bleeding or spotting. “what? no, absolutely not.. why?” apparently my placenta appeared really low on the monitor and it looked like it was covering my cervix. my OB confirmed that I did indeed have placenta previa- but since we discovered it really early and I had no signs of bleeding or spotting there was a chance that it could shift and move upward. in the meantime I was told to stay off my feet as much as possible, rest when I could, and I wasn’t allowed to work out anymore.

fast forward to an appointment with my maternal fetal medicine doctor around 21-22 weeks.. she was completely silent the entire appointment. I’ve known this woman for 6 years and an appointment with her has never gone so quickly. the very next day I went to my OB for a follow up and was hoping for answers.

“its bad. really bad, and thats why she wouldn’t say anything.” the previa was still very present but it is central, meaning directly on top of the scar tissue from my previous c-sections and placenta acretta is now easily involved to make matters worse. after that appointment we made plans. we have an emergency plan and points of contact in case something happens while Jordan is gone (it is possible that I could hemorrhage at home and would need to get to a hospital immediately). we also talked about delivery; he will come a bit early, around 38 weeks if all goes perfectly as planned.  most women with previa don’t start to have complications until around the 30 week mark and because of that my OB has prepared us for a possible hospital stay between 32-34 weeks up until 38 weeks when he arrives. I’ll have an MRI around 32 weeks to determine the accreta involvement with other organs (prayerfully not) and keep a close eye on everything up until then. that MRI will tell us where we need to go from there and if I need to go on full bed rest.

short term :: I’ll be visiting my OB and Maternal Fetal Medicine doc every two weeks for a check up and sonogram. I’ll have my glucose test at 26 weeks. around 27 weeks I’ll take my first round of steroids and again at 32 weeks to help encourage baby boy’s lung development in case he has to come earlier than 38 weeks.

long term :: praying for no hospital bedrest. praying for positive results from the MRI. a healthy growing baby boy (which he is!) and no spotting or bleeding in between.

I was told today that I will have a complete hysterectomy at time of delivery.

because of where the placenta is attached the only safe way to remove it is to remove everything all together. I sobbed through my appointment this morning as my OB explained this part of the delivery. afterward I tried to tell a friend about what I was told at my doctor’s appointment and her first response was “well, were you thinking of more after this pregnancy?“.. it left me feeling pretty inadequate and that my emotions surrounding this entire thing were silly and invalid. I’m upset/worried/anxious/sad not because I had hoped for more children, we are 100% done and have been blessed with 5 beautiful babies plus two already in heaven waiting for us. I was not expecting to be thrown into this reality at the age of 33. its a hard pill to swallow for any woman and you wont really know these feelings until your here. I surely didn’t.

realistically, this could have easily happened in any single one of my previous pregnancies. I have had healthy and relatively uneventful pregnancies- my placentas have all be posteriorly placed, leaving me with a very healthy uterus and minimal scar tissue after each delivery! my OB was 100% on board with the possibility another pregnancy and a fourth surgery.  unfortunately this is something completely out of anyone’s control and I am so thankful for the wisdom of my OB and the fact that we’ve been blessed with TIME. time to plan and prepare to create a situation for the best possible outcome.

I feel like this post is all over the place, and for that I apologize. I have been hanging onto these words and my experience with this diagnosis for weeks and its been something I’ve gone back and forth on to share many times. I cry every day. I am not a very anxious person and most of the time I’m an open book- dealing with this anxiety every day is new for me. some days I’m fine and its easy to remember the joy surrounding the baby I’m growing inside of me and other days I don’t want to get out of bed. trying to express my worry to anyone is nearly impossible and completely exhausting so I’ve internalized every bit of it except to just a few people. which is why I couldn’t bring myself to share a pregnancy update without this part of my story.. hence the lack thereof.

so, here we are. I’m confident that we are in great hands and we have a solid plan for what is to come next. we’ve covered all the “what if” situations we can think of and we’re finalizing the nursery details as we speak. my goal is to get it finished within the first few weeks of October just in case baby boy decides to come too soon or I have to be admitted.

as always, I appreciate you and your support in this space where I share my heart. heres to remembering the joy in this pregnancy from now until I get to kiss his sweet face. dress / hat / chambray shirt / bar necklace / ring