mama confessions vi

its been one of those weeks.. months.. WHAT DAY IS IT?! that calls for a giant mug of coffee.
and maybe twice or three times through the Starbucks drive thru- quad shot me.
a route 44 diet coke from Sonic.
how about wine? wine is good..
and a handful of mama confessions. we’ve been loosely encouraging Baker about potty training. okay, okay, okay. we’ve attempted three times to potty train her and have been unsuccessful three times. the first day is usually awesome and she does really well and then the days following she’s totally uninterested. in our most recent trail with potty training I was solo making dinner and Baker announces I’m going potty! I had just taken her, and she went, so I wasn’t quickly inclined to rush her back right away AND she can’t usually get her pants down by herself so I thought I would finish up dinner and then follow her in there.  before I made it back to the bathroom she walks around the corner, stark naked, wiping her butt with my face towel.

my proudest mom moment to date. Parker and Jolie have been hounding me about GUM. they have an obsession with getting a half stick any time they see it on the counter or notice it while digging through my bag. when instructing them the first time about not swallowing the gum when they are done I threatened that if they swallowed their gum a tree will grow in their belly. I know. weeks later, without an accidental gum swallowing to date, Jolie comes running inside screaming like she’s broken her arm. she was SO upset. she had swallowed her gum.  I didn’t remember what I had said about the tree and finally understood in between her scream crying for an hour about a tree growing in her tummy.. to which I finally explained, if she would eat her entire dinner the tree wouldn’t grow.

Parker:: can you sing that song with the rainbows??
Me:: I’m not sure I know that one, Parks..
Parker:: you know, the one about the sun and light and rain..?
Me: I don’t know it.
Parker:: yea, me either.

we’ve had our first (and second) experience with lice over the last month. for the record- its so gross.  some how Baker picked it up the first time (I’m thinking it was originally from those parka coats at ICE! because we came home and we realized it that next day or so..) and we were able to get rid of it without any of the other kiddos getting them. the second time I realized Baker had them because she woke me up that night before, while basically sleeping on top of me, scratching the heck out of her head.  paranoid I checked her first thing in the morning. and sure enough she’s got them again! this time Jolie had them as well so I spent another Saturday deep cleaning the house and doing 800 loads of laundry. I made Jordan check me 100 times because I basically felt like they were all over me and I’ve yet to pick them up even with a kid on top of me at all times. after a couple google searches Jordan mentioned that lice can only live and thrive in clean hair. “oh, then you’re good, Amber.”

thanks babe. during our weekly trip to Costco the twins were running around in front of the cart and started playing tag to which they set off the fire alarm at Costco after unknowingly hitting the door that has in big red letters “ALARM WILL SOUND”. Jordan was quietly correcting them while I was finishing what we needed in that aisle so we could quickly remove ourselves.. Jolie comes over to me bawling her eyes out and wraps her arms around my leg screaming “I don’t want to police to come get me! I don’t want to go to JAILLLLL!!” this time it was dad’s proudest moment.

Baker casually eating her chicken nuggets at dinner.. weeks after Christmas… I wuv santa. I wove himmm.

while getting Brady a new diaper he was being extra silly and kept flashing his sweet little open mouthed smile to which I couldn’t resist and kept leaning in for sugars.  the third or fourth time I did that, feeling extra brave I suppose, he peed all over my mouth, chin, neck, and directly down my shirt. I was screaming and he let out his very first belly laugh. amazing.

changing Baker’s diaper she usually announces to me when she has poop. mainly because she’s become as ornery as her sisters and thinks its hilarious. this time she didn’t tell me, maybe because she didn’t even know (??), but when I opened up her diaper there is was.. gross.
BAKER!! you didn’t even tell me you had shewy!  and she casually replies “coz mom, sometimes you need surprise.”
no. no I do not. I really need to get at least one of these kids OUT of diapers. I’ll invest in more face towels if thats what it takes.when playing with her new doll house I hear Baker from the other room “get it together, troll!” after it apparently kept falling over while she was trying to get it to stand up straight.

so, you pretty much can’t see the floorboards of my car. toys, paper, napkins, empty sonic cups, Starbucks sleeves and straws.. shoes, hats, hairbows. if the girls take something into the car it usually doesn’t come out. I didn’t realize it was THAT bad until we were parked in a front row spot at the grocery store (holla!) and I had the door open while the girls climbed in and I loaded the groceries in the back- everyone walking out of the store could very well see into my car. a gentleman walking by, totally side-eyeing at my car, mumbles something not really under his breath because I 100% heard him say “good lord.”

later in the same day, Parker was walking to the back of the car to her seat and she lost her balance (cannot imagine WHY) and fell. she announced as she stood up that she was WET. why in the world are you WET?!

while driving in the car after preschool pick up Jolie directly announces “I really don’t want to grow up and look like a mom.” well thanks Jolie, what does that mean? “I really like my sleep, and you just look tired. I’ll take all your clothes when you’re old, thought, mom.” SO glad I have someone to take my clothes when I’m old. I’m so tired of you bossing me around
Parker: Mom
Parker: mooom
Me: what, Parker.
Parker: I just really like to.. boss you.

I might be a little over dramatic when it comes to all the tiny things in the reach of tiny hands and that can possibly make it into a tiny mouth. Brady roamed into the living room where Baker was playing with her LOL dolls and exclaimed- “NO! buddy! I don’t want you to DIE!!

mama confessions i

mama confessions ii

mama confessions iii

mama confessions iv

mama confessions v


January 10, 2018

  1. Kathryn says:

    These posts are my favorite! Always laugh out loud funny!!

  2. Meladie says:

    The life of a Mom is fun! Thanks for the humor and smiles today! These will be funny for years to come.

  3. Kendra says:

    so cute!!! love these little moments.

  4. Meredith says:

    Too funny and cute!!! My oldest got lice from the ICE jacket and WILL NOT go back!!! ???? Lice are the worst EVER!!! Geez, now I’m itching!!

  5. Kyra Jensen says:

    So funny! I love these little glimpses that show that motherhood is the wildest, most magical thing.

  6. Lindsey says:

    Omg made me laugh so hard!

  7. Mel says:

    I laughed out loud! Hilarious 🙂 thanks for the encouragement that all of these things are normal….

  8. Laci says:

    love these post!! Girl you are a super hero for even going to public with 4 kids-I wimped out at 2 kids. Now that they are older I wish I had been brave and had more. LOL..I love watching your crew grow!

  9. Karissa says:

    this made me laugh out loud! especially the “good lord” car comment…hilarious!

  10. Jessica says:

    I love your humor and love that shines for those beautiful kiddos in all gay you do! You go Mama! Ps I am terrified of the lice situation!

  11. Miley says:

    thanks doll for making me feel NORMAL! ????

  12. Kate says:

    These are always my faveeee ❤️

  13. the lice can’t grow in dirty hair! hahaha!

  14. Kimmie says:

    I woke up late this morning, which of course started my day feeling off and me ornery. Instead of putting on my tennis shoes & sports bra to work out, I decided to brew a cup of coffee, get back in bed, and work the web. Naturally I decided to hit your blog first and I am so glad I did. I am responsible for 5 small people, the tail end being my twins, and I tell you sometimes I just want to scream! Since carrying the twins 3 years ago I have followed your blog and I have to say you make me feel normal. This post reminds me that there is humor in everyday chaos, I really do need to take in those moments and find the humor, the record it so a I can look back and laugh. Thank You!